Firstly let me say I am SO glad you're here to read this.

The Eaton Fire, Palisades Fire, Hughes Fire, and Border 2 Fire have rocked Southern California this month. 

Secondly let me say that we are here for you with your trauma and your grief.

Whether you're a first responder or a first year college student. Whether it's the fires or plane crash in DC. Whether it's loss of safety, loss of trust. Whether you're an immigrant (like my great grandparents were), feeling like you're no longer protected. Whether you're a federal worker that has been a public servant and is now feeling harassed and threatened, or simply feeling traumatized over ALL of this, this is a place to help process that.

While we are still evacuated ourselves from the Palisades Fire, we are still running our free online grief groups.

WE WILL BE ADDING MORE ONLINE GRIEF AND TRAUMA GROUPS in the next weeks (early February), so please fill out a contact us form and we will keep you posted on new times.

​ALL of your information is private. We do not sell or share with anyone and your participation remains anonymous.

You can do this. You can make it. We will get through this together.

Much Love,
Laura

Happy Thanksgiving!

​We're so grateful for you.

Please consider donating to our California non-profit corporation 501(c)(3)
​as part of giving Tuesday this year.

Here is a link to our YouTube video blog.youtu.be/o8mOL9t2VmQ

November 5, 2024 election day in the United States is finally here. Many Americans have been expressing anxiety about the outcome of the election as the tension and campaigns have mounted.

But overshadowing even that has been the grief that even more have felt over the actual election process itself.

While most Americans are happy to have greater engagement in voting and the electoral process, there has been an increase in the amount of grief people are feeling over what used to be a simple day of doing one's civic duty.

Our grief groups have been sharing and supporting each other - in a non-partisan way - over the loss of ease, calm, and peace that our election process has generally had over the last decades.

If you notice you've been feeling upset, distressed, sad, or down about the election, please know you are not alone. You're experiencing grief - feeling a loss of what used to be. It's normal and natural. There isn't anything wrong with you.

If you're trying to set the feelings aside with statistics or rational arguments but don't feel better, know that you're not alone there, either. Your heart is broken and no amount of rational information will offset that.

Take some time to grieve. Allow the feelings. Share them with people who are safe to talk to. By that I mean talking about your feelings, not about politics. Getting into "bumper sticker" blame games isn't going to help your feelings. It will simply cover the grief with anger. You can tell that you are doing this if you are blaming "others" for a situation that "causes" your feelings.

However, sharing with people who you can be honest with about your feelings, even if they are confusing and conflicting, is a helpful thing.

Use a book like "The Grief Recovery Handbook" by James and Friedman, join a grief group like ours here at Sea & Z, or gather some people together to walk through this to get complete with it.

North America has had an increase in disasters the last decade, both natural (like floods, fires, and hurricanes) and manmade (like school shootings, bomb threats, and active shooters). The acute pandemic as well as the ongoing Long COVID are also major natural disasters.

Disasters leave us with multiple layers of grief over loss:

• through death of people and pets. We might even feel the death of those we knew in passing (the dog that lived in the corner house, the person who worked at the grocery)
• of our normal routines 
• of safety
• of trust
• of our possessions or homes
• of community buildings and spaces

That can be just the first wave!

Grief is normal, natural, and necessary for humans and animals. Living things grieve!

Months afterwards we might need to move house, to a different section of town, to another city, or even another state. Even if this is a choice, it's still a change and so it's a loss. Many relationships are changed after a disaster, too, even if friendships and marriages survive. Some people may also find themselves months or years later with ongoing injuries or suicides to handle, too. 

Grief and traumas can become intermingled and it's hard to find light.

It's completely common to have many emotions at once, including

• anger
• frustration
• sorrow
• guilt
• shame
• regret
• relief

Grief is about a broken heart not a broken brain. Our heart can be broken for quite a while and can be re-broken  before they're even healed. While everyone grieves differently, we need help and support healing our hearts after grief.

We might also feel a grief at the loss of control and loss of respect. If you have ever dealt with large companies or corporations like insurance companies or health care systems, you know that it's a full-time job for many months to file claims, be heard, get help, get support, and get financial aid. The processes rarely are hopeful or respectful or focused on our health and healing. It's about their processes not our needs.

On top of this many of us have to pay so much attention to our physical needs after a disaster, that we may not have time to grieve at all for years. That's a problem since unresolved grief accumulates. If it continues to stay "stuck" it may become complex grief or post-traumatic-stress.

BUT THERE IS HOPE!!! Here's what we know:

• grief can be healed to a level we can live with
• it's never healed alone
• healing is an active process
• it's an ongoing process
• we can feel joy again

One of the reasons we at Sea & Z Healing Foundation offer ongoing grief support groups is because we know that grief doesn't run on a calendar and you don't need more forms to fill out and hopes to jump through.

The pain of Helen is fresh for the U.S. right now, and as we write this Milton is getting ready to make landfall as a Category 5 hurricane. We're sending love, strength, prayers, and we'll be here with ongoing grief support for the years to come.

Stay Safe!

Much Love,
Laura

​P.S. Please contact us for specialized grief support groups for your community or groups, including first responders.

Below is the U.S. Government publication "Tips For Survivors: Coping with Grief After A Disaster or Traumatic Event" the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

Yesterday October 7, 2024 marked one year of Israel's war in Gaza. Many people are displaced and their lives completely rearranged. Whether you have a personal connection directly to someone living in the Middle East, it impacts your friends, or you provide support or relief services to the area, the war brings grief. 

The Ukraine has been fighting Russia's invasion and attacks for three years now. People losing those they love, watching their land get demolished, losing animals, and loss of their daily life. The grief mounts.

Politics aside there is a world-wide impact of this war, and there is grief on all sides as well as those watching.

It's common to go toward the intellectual here or even the generational, arguing what's right and wrong. But again, these are arguments for the head. Grief is not about a broken brain. It's about a broken heart.

The other common tendency is to compare grief, decide yours is less than or less direct than another's grief, and bury your feelings. 

Everyone has a right to grieve over war. Even if it feels far away from you, or someone "has it worse," you have a right to grieve.

Some grief might be direct over death or loss of relationship and others can be less obvious but more persistent.

You might be grief on several levels, too: anger at a higher power, distrust of others, losing hope, loss of sense of the world "getting worse," and a change in some personal relationships. 

The key is to allow yourself time to feel the feelings, not stuff them down. Acknowledge how the feelings impact your life and your heart. Voice your feelings to another safe person for the sake of being heard, not being fixed. And allow yourself to adjust to the new way life.

The most important thing to remember about grief is to not handle it alone. Grief doesn't just get better with time. We don't just "get past it." We have to actively process it and get help adjusting to our new reality, without losing our heart or our hope.

Much Love, 
Laura

P.S. If you want to offer safe, ongoing, affordable grief groups for the healing and mental health of your workforce or community, please contact us to help your people start healing right away.

Grief - that loss over change - heals and shifts with work over time. It never leaves but it changes. It's ongoing. Deeper losses may leave the griever feeling numb and unable to function for the first few months. Friends, neighbors, and co-workers truly want to help or give a gift that will matter, but aren't sure how.

Traditional gifts of flowers or a casserole all given at once have some comfort, but then a few months later s/he is sitting alone dealing with grief on their own.

This list can gift a gift that doesn't just end up in the trash.

1) Delayed or Regular Notes
Grief tends to last far longer than the support. Most of the support wanes after two months, long before the worst of the grief hits.

Send cards, notes, and mail a few months after the loss and then send them regularly so the person knows you still care. Simple cards that are pretty or funny just to send love are perfect.

2) House Cleaning
You can never have too much help cleaning. People will NEVER admit that they need this help, and sometimes may be too embarrassed to let you into their home to see how badly it's needed. If they have been caring for a parent, spouse, or another person, especially long term, they definitely haven't been able to keep up with their own cleaning needs, too, so this gift is great during anticipatory grief as well as acute grief after a death.

After a divorce or death, the emotions can get overwhelming and stay that way for a long time. Grief often feels like fatigue or depression and it's hard to find the energy to care about the bathtub or other deep cleaning care so cleaning as a gift from yourself (just jump right in) or a professional service in the area will go further than you can imagine. handy.com can be a resource or look up options online for local pros. 

Cleaning doesn't have to mean a full house/apartment clean (although how wonderful this could be every few months). If you're at a friends jump in and fold laundry, do the dishes, wash the floor, take out the recycling, or whatever is obvious.

3) Lawn Care
Along with the interior house care, there's the outside to manage. While some might manage to get the lawn mowed, they may not be able to do weeding, edging, or the more detailed work that helps the house feel like a sanctuary instead of  a to-do list. Winter means shoveling and snow removal on a constant basis and it's easy for ice to build up, too.

You can jump in yourself, or hire a local company for the more serious jobs. Also keep in mind that hiring local kids to do this work can be a fantastic win-win solution. Whether they need customers for their business or community service hours for their school or organization, having local young people do this work can build some connections and sense of community that helps in healing, too.

For those grieving who live in apartments, there's still a level of exterior care they can enjoy help with. Patios need sweeping, plants need freshening, windows and sliding doors always can be helped by a good clean.

4) Massage or Spa Gift Certificate 
Chances are pretty high that the person grieving with death, divorce, move, or job change has also lost some physical touch in their life. A certificate from spafinder.com or soothe.com can help with that. This is a wonderful gift to get months after the loss, or even on a regular basis. 

If the person is uncomfortable with massage or spa services, consider paying for some services at their hair salon (go with them or simply pay in advance so they get a pleasant surprise when they go to pay) or a manicure with an extra few moments of hand massage.

5) Grocery or Meal Delivery gift card
Everyone needs to eat. Getting a gift card to a local grocery store Trader Joe's, Safeway, Publix, or Wegman's for example can make it easy to get some fresh food in the house on a week when their energy is low. It's nice too when they want simple food but not necessarily a full meal. Great for filling their shopping cart a little extra and often delivery can be covered, too.

Buying a gift card for a meal delivery service such as DoorDash or UberEats can also give people a variety of options to use when they don't have the energy to cook or plan ahead.

Bonus: Listen
People in grief have broken hearts not broken brains. They don't need to be fixed or offered solution. Often they just need to be heard without solution or judgment. People going through divorce or a breakup really appreciate support for their grief instead of "relationship problems." Lend a listening ear without the need to put any band-aids on them and that will be a help.

Lightening the Load
Simply remembering that grief lasts longer than a few months and that it takes a lot of energy can be a help to someone dealing with loss of any kind. This is why we offer ongoing grief meetings so that people can continue to heal and process grief in their time, not on a calendar schedule. Giving a gift that helps them handle their daily chores can make a big difference in making their load lighter. True connection is the greatest gift we can give.